As Those Who Are Too Old

As Those Who Are Too Old

he is inventing me
but I cannot say to him
she is not real
even as he held me
he was destroying me
and creating her
he was puzzled when
I walked away
as fast as those
who are too old to die
he writes her letters
which I intercept
and answer with great care 
and imprecision

Joy Kogawa
Jericho Road
McClelland Stewart, 1977

PS:  I found out today that Joy Kogawa and I share the same birthday - the day and month though not the year. Obvoiusly. She is actually one year older than my father.

She speaks in an interview I watched on line today, of the point in your life of "crossing over". That time, she says, is when you decide to cease becoming a victim. In a great spirit of gentleness, she acknowledges that, of course, there are moments when you are thrown back. However, if you stay stuck in the identity of the victim, and stay focused on how hurt you are, then you are not aware of others' suffering. You are only aware of your own and that is how you can do great harm to others. When you cease to be constantly aware of your own suffering is when you know you are seen and then you can see others.

And so, imprecision. But very great care.

New Year, New Knitting

I have noted that my knitting has really slowed down the last several months. I notice this because I also notice that I miss it. Quiet evenings with my records or a podcast, knitting away, used to be common. Those solitary peaceful evenings are much more seldom these days for several reasons. I work mostly evening shifts at my current job and when I am home, it's rarely quiet. Not to be complainey (well a little complainey), the fact is I share a teeny living space with a person who likes to watch a lot of loud TV. He finds it relaxing. I find it jangly. In warm weather I sit on the balcony and pretend I am not dangling in the sky by keeping my eyes locked on my project. In winter, it's more difficult.

There is a solution. We have a few common spaces in our condo that people rarely use. I have sometimes packed up my tea, mp3 player and knitting and taken myself off to one of them for an hour or so.  It's a bit of trouble but I think I need to do it more often in the new year to preserve my sanity.

I finally started the sleeves on my Bombus!

Knitting can always be a learning experience. That's one of the best things about it. Notice the awesome tidy edge on the ribbing? It's because I learned a new cast-off. It's not a fancy or difficult technique. You just do a yarn over before the purl stitch, then pass over both that yarn over and the previous knit stitch. It creates more stretch and that beautiful straight edge. Even as I was doing it, I was excited about the result. It's so great when it all feels fresh again, isn't it?

Laundered my socks yesterday. See?
Continuous knitting results in warm knitwear.