Today was my birthday.
Flashback. My fortieth birthday was a piercing disaster. Downright painful. Skipping the details, I can say that it was the point at which I went from expecting little, to expecting nothing. Not a nice place to be. The beginning of the end of my marriage? If I had to put money on it, I'd say, yes, it was.
Since then, every year, I've felt a mixture of nerves and ambivalence toward my approaching birthday. I usually ignore the day all together. My therapist used to tell me I had to reclaim the celebration of my birth. Ask for what I want. This year I decided to do it. Face that sucker down hard. But what is it exactly, that I want?
I want recognition and well wishes. I want nice thoughts and good Karma. So I bought two dozen grocery store cupcakes, a pack of dollar store candles and a lighter. I brought them to work and later to knit night. I handed out lit candle decorated cupcakes and asked people to make sincere wishes on my behalf while blowing them out. The knitters got it immediately. "What a great idea!", I heard more than once. The co-workers, though confused, played along too. The Beautiful Daughter sent out a breakfast wish this morning with cupcake and tea. I feel the warm energy of all those good thoughts tonight. I really do.
Peace. Success. Love. Health. Kisses. Silk. Creativity. Friendship.
These are the wishes I sent out into the air today.
One lovely knitter told me that while she was blowing out her candle, she thought the words, 'Cashmere' and 'Free".