10 March 2011

Everything In Its Place

So, the other day I had to staple some papers.  I reached into the desk drawer and the stapler was not there!  The stapler is always there because that is where the stapler lives.  The few and far between times when a stapler is required are never stressful because I know I can reach into that drawer, without looking and put my hand on a stapler.  Not this time.  Those that know me know that this is the kind of occurrence that makes me lose my shit.  After rummaging around a while I actually had to call The Daughter on her cell and ask if she had used it recently and not put it back.  Negative.
I am a person who lives alone part time.  There are many problems with this lifestyle, bouts of loneliness being the largest of these.  However, one distinct advantage is that I know where everything is.  Things have their place.  They get used and then put back where they belong.  This strikes me as being not only logical, but as the only proper way  to go about things.You can see how deviation from this plan would drive a person like me batty, can't you?  Note that I lived for twenty years with a man who every time he had to polish his good shoes, (maybe twice a year) he would go buy shoe polish because he couldn't remember where he put the tin the last time he used it.  This makes steam come out of my ears!  The waste!  The inefficiency!  Here in my single lady apartment, I have had the same tin of shoe polish for nearly three years.  And I know exactly where it is.

So, the other day, being Sunday, I slept in a bit.  I was vaguely miffed upon waking to find the apartment dim because The Daughter, who had woken first, had not opened the blinds.  The first thing I do every morning (well second after putting on the kettle) is to open all the blinds.  Every evening as the light begins to fade, I close them again.  Any sane person does this.  Who are these people who live all day in low light with drawn blinds?

Hmm...  It has recently dawned on me that I may have become set in my ways.

It's kind of funny to list and write about my quirks. Joking aside, I do wonder sometimes if I've become too rigid.  I'm not saying that I want someone else in my life right now but if ever I do, will there be room?  Will I ever be able to give up any of the control I've gained by creating this uber tidy and organized living space?  I lived for so long in chaos, in constant crisis mode.  There is so much peace derived from my routines and organization now.  I wonder if there is a half way point somewhere and if I'll ever be able, or even desire to find it.

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