07 April 2007

An Anniversary

This weekend, Easter, holds a different significance in my household. Easter Monday, two years ago, the husband and I quit smoking. I'd attempted to quit many times before with pathetic results. This time was different. The reasons were financial. We really wanted to buy a house and figured we could only manage it if we gave up cigarettes. A rough calculation showed that we were smoking the equivalent of the hydro, water and property taxes of a small house in T.O.

So, I said to myself, "This is my LAST cigarette." and bought the Patch. I discovered that having actually decided that I was really doing it, quitting wasn't that hard. There were the awful cravings of course, but knowing that I wasn't going to give in to them, made them pass more quickly. I kept telling myself,

"I am no longer an apartment dwelling smoker. I am a home owning non-smoker".
It worked.

Except that two years later, I know that I am still, and always will be, a smoker. I just don't practice. I had my first smoke at fifteen. I snuck one of my mother's and took a walk. From the first I knew I liked it. From my early twenties on, I smoked just under a pack a day. That's 25 years as a smoker, 20 of them a heavy smoker. I liked the way the butt felt in my hand. I liked stepping outside of the office for breaks, the taste of coffee mixed with smoke in the morning and after dinner. Cigarettes and wine? Heaven. To this day, the sound of a Zippo being struck, turns me on. Really.

Oh, I don't intend to start again. I'm just reflecting. Yes, I'm healthier and smell better and have more cash. It's all good. I just miss it. Too bad that my wee passion is so expensive.
The cancer part sucks too.

4 comments:

Baa Bonny Belle said...

Good for you Yvette. I quit, for the last time, October 2000. Though, I don't crave it at all...I do seem to keep myself busy with the knitting more. :)

The cost, amazing, isn't it? I'm glad you both have stuck it out.

Happy anniversary!

Not An Artist said...

Once a smoker, always a smoker. I quit for a similar reason and now we have the condo to prove it -- we never would have saved this down payment if we were still spending $100+ a week on smoking!

yvette said...

Congratulations on staying quit, keep up the good work.

Miss Scarlett said...

Well good for you - whatever the incentive to quit you are doing your health a major favour!
Unbelievable the cost of it though, isn't it?
I 'smoked' in Grade 6-Grade 8 - I put it in quotations because like Mr.Clinton I never inhaled.
Yet every now and again I know just what you are talking about. I can actually feel the cigarette in my hand. Weird the memory that the body can hold onto after all this time.