14 February 2018

So There's a Sporting Event Going On?

Apparently there is some kind of event on television right now?

Actually, I do enjoy the Winter Games. I watched, as I have for the past 12 years, the opening ceremonies with my knitter friends. I also cast on an unofficial Olympic project. My knitting has been in a rut so I'm taking the opportunity to switch it up and knit one thing exclusively.

It's the Indian Paintbrush Shawl by Vera Sanon. It's not a hugely challenging project but is interesting enough to keep going at a quick pace. Mainly, it's a great opportunity to knit with the Frabjous Fibers Cheshire Cat, Mini Skein Pack I purchased two years ago in Chicago. I'm hoping the graded colour change will look attractive with the simple lace.

As luck would have it, I've come down with a cold so yes, I am watching a lot of television and knitting away. This shawl will be done by Games end for sure.

07 February 2018

Subject To Dispersal

"One is not oneself. 
One is several, incomplete and subject to dispersal."
                                                                      Virginia Woolf

I have been struggling with my multitudes of late. There is so much I want to do, so many things I want to be. I am trying to knit, trying to write, trying to be a labour activist. Add to that my overriding, almost animal instinct to be a giving partner and mother. There are not enough hours to accomplish everything and I find that if I devote the majority of my focus on one aspect of my personality, I miss the others. So I practice a little of each and do none of them particularly well.

This feels urgent. Time seems to go faster as I age. Also, as I don't have what people call a "career" but rather just a boring job where I exchange my precious time for dollars, there is the shame and discouragement of that issue.

What's best? Should one focus intensely or be a scattered mess of activity? Where's the balance and how to find it?

This is just a meandering - an attempt to get it down. 
Here are some photos of weirdness on the Don Trail taken two Sundays ago when it was unseasonably balmy and we went for a muddy bike ride.


24 January 2018

As Those Who Are Too Old

As Those Who Are Too Old

he is inventing me
but I cannot say to him
she is not real
even as he held me
he was destroying me
and creating her
he was puzzled when
I walked away
as fast as those
who are too old to die
he writes her letters
which I intercept
and answer with great care 
and imprecision

Joy Kogawa
Jericho Road
McClelland Stewart, 1977

PS:  I found out today that Joy Kogawa and I share the same birthday - the day and month though not the year. Obvoiusly. She is actually one year older than my father.

She speaks in an interview I watched on line today, of the point in your life of "crossing over". That time, she says, is when you decide to cease becoming a victim. In a great spirit of gentleness, she acknowledges that, of course, there are moments when you are thrown back. However, if you stay stuck in the identity of the victim, and stay focused on how hurt you are, then you are not aware of others' suffering. You are only aware of your own and that is how you can do great harm to others. When you cease to be constantly aware of your own suffering is when you know you are seen and then you can see others.

And so, imprecision. But very great care.

06 January 2018

New Year, New Knitting

I have noted that my knitting has really slowed down the last several months. I notice this because I also notice that I miss it. Quiet evenings with my records or a podcast, knitting away, used to be common. Those solitary peaceful evenings are much more seldom these days for several reasons. I work mostly evening shifts at my current job and when I am home, it's rarely quiet. Not to be complainey (well a little complainey), the fact is I share a teeny living space with a person who likes to watch a lot of loud TV. He finds it relaxing. I find it jangly. In warm weather I sit on the balcony and pretend I am not dangling in the sky by keeping my eyes locked on my project. In winter, it's more difficult.

There is a solution. We have a few common spaces in our condo that people rarely use. I have sometimes packed up my tea, mp3 player and knitting and taken myself off to one of them for an hour or so.  It's a bit of trouble but I think I need to do it more often in the new year to preserve my sanity.

I finally started the sleeves on my Bombus!

Knitting can always be a learning experience. That's one of the best things about it. Notice the awesome tidy edge on the ribbing? It's because I learned a new cast-off. It's not a fancy or difficult technique. You just do a yarn over before the purl stitch, then pass over both that yarn over and the previous knit stitch. It creates more stretch and that beautiful straight edge. Even as I was doing it, I was excited about the result. It's so great when it all feels fresh again, isn't it?

Laundered my socks yesterday. See?
Continuous knitting results in warm knitwear.

31 December 2017

End of Year

Goodbye 2017. It is now 5pm our time Deceber 31. My lover is making us a delicious dinner and soon we will toast the New Year. What are you doing?

It's been a hectic holiday season with fractured family all about there is much driving and visiting to be done. Every year I wonder if it's worth it.

Yet, when I stop my complaining and really take a still moment, I see just how much I have to be grateful for in this past year. I took part in the Fight for $15 and Fairness, a movement that got raises and better working conditions for 1.6 million people starting tomorrow. So Amazing!

I travelled across the Atlantic for the first time this year. See me being happy in London in the photo above? The picture was taken by my friend Victor who I hadn't seen in 5 years and with whom we spent a wonderful day. That's pretty special. 

We also did spend some holiday time with those we love and who love us. The beautiful members of The Workers' Action Centre hosted a fun holiday party. There was potluck dinner and dancing to Elvis with families I've known since The Daughter's pre-school days. There was wine and risotto with some, wine and mussels with others, wine and lasagna, wine and beef stew. Food and company.

And then there's this one. My relationship with The Daughter is a source of great joy to me and I think maybe to her too. I'm so happy she is making the transition into independant adulthood while still being my friend. She even likes my knitting and sent me this photo of her wearing the Antler Hat I made her for Christmas.

There's also this one. He loves me. He doesn't just say it, he actually practices it. How wonderful to be in an adult loving partnership that we both treasure and care for. And to think it only took 50 years to find him.

Not bad, right? If that's all there ever is, that would be enough. I do feel there's more good coming though and I hope to be open to it when it arrives.

Happy New Year everyone.